


Wearin' Yesterday's Misfortunes Like a Smile

by whispered_story



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, Halloween, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-16
Updated: 2017-12-16
Packaged: 2019-02-15 15:27:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13034064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whispered_story/pseuds/whispered_story
Summary: Philip and Lukas spend Halloween back home in Tivoli.





	Wearin' Yesterday's Misfortunes Like a Smile

**Author's Note:**

> written for the [Philkas Secret Santa Gift Exchange](https://philkas-xmas-exchange.tumblr.com), for [ahikuboruchi](http://ahikuboruchi.tumblr.com/) \- you said you liked _hurt/comfort_ and wanted some _Post canon - Philkas being a cute couple_. I hope this kinda fits? Happy holidays!
> 
> beta'd by [dancing_adrift](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dancing_Adrift) ♥
> 
> Title taking from Kris Kristofferson's _The Pilgrim - Chapter 33_.

"How'd I ever live without this?" 

Lukas's tone is dramatic, eyes wide and Philip isn't quite sure if he's doing it on purpose or if the sugar has gone to his brain. Knowing what Lukas is drinking, probably the latter. 

"Gee, yes, your life has become so enriched by pumpkin spice latte," Philip replies. Dubiously, he looks at the infamous white cup with the green Starbucks emblem.

"I can't believe you don't like it," Lukas says. He brings the cup up to his mouth, taking a few careful sips. His cheeks are a little pink from the cold, hair disheveled and slightly damp from the misty rain that had still been falling when they'd reached the Starbucks closest to campus. Somewhere between getting in line and leaving with their drinks, it must have stopped, but Philip can still feel the dampness, the air smelling like wet pavement.

"It's basically just sugar, Lukas," Philip retorts and holds up his own cup, a simple Americano. "This is great. Because it's coffee, not a dessert."

"I feel ashamed just walking next to you," Lukas says, shaking his head.

"Oh? I can find someone else to walk next to," Philip offers and makes a show of looking up and down the street. "The guy over there is cute, the one in the gray coat."

Lukas narrows his eyes, first at the guy and then at Philip, and reaches out to curl his hand in Philip's jacket, tugging him against his side. "Don't you dare."

Philip gives him a wide grin and shrugs.

Lukas tugs at him again and then leans in, pressing their mouths together in a quick kiss. They're still walking, so it's a little off center, but Philip still feels a thrill go through him every time they do this, every time Lukas kisses him in public. Like it's no big deal, not anymore. 

"Ugh, sweet," Philip mumbles when Lukas draws back. "Gross."

"Gross. _Gross_? I can't believe you hate kissing me," Lukas mocks with fake outrage, and Philip laughs.

"Yeah, sure," he says. Lukas gives him a grin and casually slides his hand around Philip's shoulders instead.

"So," Lukas starts and takes another sip of his drink. "This weekend. Are you up for going home to Tivoli? I've been meaning to ask."

"Sure, why not?" Philip asks. He pushes a little closer into Lukas's side to avoid being hit by a woman talking on her phone. "Was there a reason you wanted to go?"

He watches Lukas's face cloud over, his smile getting a little strained, and he shrugs. "'s Halloween next Tuesday," he mumbles.

"Oh," Philip says and then nods. "Yeah. Good idea. I figured we'd just hide out in our room, but going home sounds way better."

Lukas meets his eyes for a moment, and Philip hates how sad he looks. "I know we can't avoid it completely," he says. "But I really don't feel like hanging out here this weekend with all the parties and people dressed up."

"Me neither," Philip agrees and when he leans into Lukas this time, he does it just to feel closer, to touch. 

Lukas gives him a smile that's a little brittle, and the one Philip gives him in return doesn't feel easy. He hates how this always happens – how every moment in their lives still seems to be affected by the shooting, by the weeks that followed. It creeps up on them all the time, never really lets them go. 

He wonders sometimes if it'll ever change, if they'll ever be able to just live their lives without things triggering them, making them remember what they went through, without the fear and anxiety.

*

Lukas drops him off at Helen and Gabe's on Friday afternoon and then leaves to hang out with his dad for a few hours.

"You can come," Lukas tries once more, straddling his bike and giving Philip a hopeful look.

Philip glances back at the front door creaking open, revealing Helen, and he smiles at her before looking back at Lukas and shaking his head.

"You go spend some time with your dad," he says. "I'll see you later."

Lukas sighs. "Fine," he agree.

Philip leans in, kisses him quickly. "Don't miss me too much."

"I'll try," Philip says, tone exasperated. Lukas grins at him and then puts his helmet back on. He lifts his hand, waving at Helen, and once Philip has taken a few steps back, he guns the engine.

*

Helen and Gabe hug him a little longer than usual, a little more tightly.

*

"I need to go get some groceries. You want to come with me?" Helen asks.

Philip puts his mug into the dishwasher and gives a shrug. He glances out the window – it started raining lightly about half an hour ago and the trees are swaying back and forth in the wind. 

Gabe left for an emergency at a farm a few miles away not too long ago, wrapping himself up in a thick raincoat and taking rain boots with him, just in cast the weather got any worse.

"I think I'll pass," he says.

"I figured," Helen admits. The she sighs. "We talked to Bo last night, Philip. We all think maybe you and Lukas should stay for a few more days; you can miss a couple of days of classes. Halloween last year, well…" 

She trails off, with an awkward smile, and reaches for Philip, smoothing his hair back before letting her hand drop again.

She doesn't need to say it. Last year, Halloween hadn't been pretty. Things had still been too fresh and neither Lukas nor he had really thought about Halloween, about what some of the more gory costumes and decorations might do to them. They'd learned quickly though – after the decorations – among them a bloody skeleton – at a friend's house had sent Lukas right over the edge into a full-blown panic attack. 

They'd spent Halloween holed up at the farm then, too, hiding in Philip's room and watching one comedy movie after another to distract themselves. 

Philip is feeling a lot more stable this year, thinks they're both a little better at handling things. But he knows they're not that good yet. Not fine yet. And he doesn't want a repeat of last year.

"Yeah, okay. I'm sure Lukas will be happy to stay," Philip agrees. "You think Bo will be okay with both of us staying here?"

Helen cracks a small smile. "Don't worry about that," she reassures him.

*

Philip watches the sheet of rain coming down outside, the drops splashing loudly against the window. The rain is so heavy now, he can barely see past a few feet.

He hopes Lukas won't try to drive back to the farm in this weather. Hopes Helen and Gabe are being careful, too – but unlike Lukas, they both drive sturdy trucks, four wheels under them instead of two.

 _Think you'll have to stay at your dad's_?, he texts Lukas. _Don't want you driving in this weather._

He stares at the screen, feeling a little anxious until it vibrates in his hand.

_It's supposed to let up in a bit._

Philip breathes a sigh of relief and smiles. _Don't do anything stupid_ , he types out.

 _Me_? _Never_! 

Philip shakes his head, chuckles, and pockets his phone. He goes to sit down on the windowsill, one leg propped up and the other swinging lazily. Calmer now, reassured, he watches the gray, wet world outside the window, the steady, rhythmic sound of the raindrops making him feel drowsy, peaceful.

He missed this. Missed the farm, the quiet, the way the solitude calms him down. Philip used to think he would never feel at home anywhere but in New York, that he'd never be happy without the hustle and bustle of the city, without the crowds and endless places to go to.

Now, back in the city, he craves the coming home to Tivoli. Despite the mess his life has become - more of a mess than it was to begin with, for as long as Philip can remember – Helen and Gabe's farm makes him feel at peace, makes him feel stable. 

Going to New York for college, Philip expected the city to invigorate him, to fill him with life and excitement. But his favorite place there is his and Lukas's little dorm room, the little bubble they have created there for themselves. Sometimes, just stepping into the room makes him feel like a weight has been lifted off him. Crawling into bed with Lukas at night, drawing the covers up over both of them, gives him security, soothes the worries and anxiety that always builds up during the day.

*

Lukas pulls the covers up over their heads that night, and Philip smiles into the darkness. He rolls onto his side and shifts closer, until he can bury his face in the crook of Lukas's neck, can hide even more.

"You okay?" Lukas whispers.

Philip nods. "Always, when I'm with you," he admits. In the darkness and silence of the night, the admission seems less cheesy.

Lukas nuzzles his jaw, kisses it gently. "I thought about you all day, while I was at my dad's," he says quietly. "And at dinner with Helen and Gabe."

"I was sitting right next to you during dinner," Philip reminds him with a soft laugh.

"Yeah. That was too damn far away," Lukas replies. He trails his hand down Philip's back, fingers skimming over naked skin, and Philip feels a slight tremble that goes through his body at the simple touch. He opens his mouth, presses a damp kiss to Lukas's neck.

It started raining again a while back. They had a small break – thankfully, because it meant Lukas could come back here safely. Now, rain is once against drumming against the windows and wind is howling around the house, rustling through the trees.

Philip shifts again, rubs himself against Lukas almost lazily. "You wanna?"

"Do you even need to ask?" Lukas murmurs. His hand slips lower, down under the waistband of Philip's underwear, and Philip shudders. He tips his head back, just enough to find Lukas's mouth, draw him in for a kiss that's a little sloppy, hot and damp.

It's slow. Painfully slow. The way Lukas touches him lightly, the way they kiss while their hands map out each other's bodies, the way they grind and rock together, bringing them both to full hardness.

"One day we'll have our own place," Lukas says, the words spoken against Philip's ear, as he eases the first finger into Philip and Philip bites down onto his lower lip to keep any sounds from slipping out. "And we'll be able to be as loud as we want. _God_ , I'll make you moan for me so loudly, baby. Make you scream."

"Yeah," Philip agrees, and then turns his face back into Lukas's neck to muffle the sounds that spill from his mouth as Lukas continues to work him open. Pushes in and out with slick fingers, the cold lube warming quickly as Lukas stretches him, teases him.

Philip rolls onto his stomach when he's ready, buries his face in the pillows. Lukas settles on top of him, presses his face into Philip's neck as he eases in. He bites down on the meat of Philip's shoulder, hard enough to make Philip tremble and cry out quietly, Lukas's moans and groans absorbed how his skin, vibrating through him.

Lukas fucks him slowly, rocks his hips down into him, his weight pinning Philip down. His cock is stretching Philip wide, and it burns just so, his muscles fluttering as he adjusts to the intrusion. Eventually, Philip starts pushing back, grinding back against Lukas and down against the mattress. 

They're both panting, but the small noises get drowned out by the heavy sound of the rain, stay hidden in their cocoon of covers, where it's just the two of them.

He gets off like that, untouched, just from the feeling of Lukas buried deep inside of him, thrusting in deep, keeping him full. Lukas needs a little longer, ruts into him a few more times, bites and kisses at Philip's neck before he spills, hot and sticky, inside of him.

They lie together in a trembling, sweaty mess, bodies joined and legs tangled, Lukas's hands soothing down Philip's sides, his lips brushing over the shell of his ear, the cut of his jaw.

When Lukas eases out of him, he flips the covers down, too, just past their heads. The air feels cool out there, a stark comparison to the stuffy heat they'd been basked in. Philip lets out a little laugh, runs a hand through his hair to push back the damp mess of curls and twists around so they're face to face again. He presses up against Lukas, as closely as he can.

"I love you," he murmurs. "Fuck, I love you."

Lukas hums, runs a hand down Philip's heated body and settles on the curve of his ass. "I love you, too, baby," he says, all quiet and sleepy.

*

It's sunny the next morning. Bright blue sky has replaced the dark rain clouds, and the air is crisp and clean when Philip opens the window. He takes in a deep breath, shudders a little at the cool air hitting his skin.

"Come back to bed," Lukas complains. 

Philip smiles and complies, crawling back under the warm covers with Lukas and cuddling close. "Wanna come out with me later while I take some photos?" he asks.

"Hmm, if you come out to the quarry with me later. Just for a bit."

"It'll be muddy as hell," Philip points out. 

Lukas touches his side, rests their heads together so the tips of their noses are brushing against each other. "I'll help you clean up after," he says, voice low, suggestive. 

Philip squirms a little, smiles. "Yeah, okay," he agrees.

*

"It's not the same as in the city," Philip says, looking through the viewfinder at the way the hits the golden-red tree, basking it in a warm, brilliant light. Fall is so much more startling here – the colors, the way you can watch the seasons shift. Wide open space and fields instead of gray skyscrapers, miles and miles without people instead of crammed streets. As much as Philip loves the city, the creativity it sparks, he never realized that the solitude of a small town could do the same for him.

"No," Lukas agrees.

Philip lowers his camera, turning towards Lukas. "It's pretty," he says and draws in a big breath. The air smells earthy, damp, and it makes something in his chest become loose, makes the ache he always feels there fade for a few moments.

"Yeah," Lukas says, but he's looking at Philip, not the trees, not the sun, not the soft rolling hills.

Philip brings his camera up again, finding Lukas through the viewfinder and snapping a couple of pictures. Lukas looks right out here, basked in the sunlight, with the hills and trees behind him. This is where he got to know Lukas, where they started to build their relationship, and sometimes Philip thinks Lukas doesn't even realize how much this place is woven into his very being. How Lukas never looks quite right in the city – Lukas belongs here, belongs on a bike shooting up and down hills, hurling through the air. Lukas belongs here, with the wind ruffling through his hair and the cold staining his cheeks pink.

New York might have sugary drinks that Lukas loves and it might offer him thrills Tivoli never did, but sometimes Philip thinks that’s all the city can give Lukas. He’ll never be in love with it the way Philip was for years, will never be a city kid instead of a farm boy. And Philip is glad about that, because the farm boy is who Philip is in love with. 

"Smile," he says.

Lukas frowns. "Philip," he says, a little sheepish. "Stop it."

Philip laughs and crosses the distance between them. He leans up, kisses the corner of Lukas's mouth and then shifts so they're standing side by side, brings the camera up again. "Smile," he says again and starts snapping photos, knowing Lukas is smiling without having to look this time.

*

Lukas is laughing as he pulls his helmet off. They're both covered in mud, speckles and big drops covering them from head to toe.

"Fuck, that was great!" he exclaims. His hair is a mess, matted down by the helmet but soon getting messed up by the wind. 

Philip is cold, fingers stiff, but he's smiling just as widely as Lukas. "The fucking best," he agrees.

*

They warm themselves up with coffee for Philip and hot chocolate for Lukas, sitting on opposite ends of the couch. Philip's is sitting sideways, legs stretched out, his toes tucked under the warm weight of Lukas's thigh.

Gabe is in the kitchen, making dinner, and Helen is on the phone, her voice a low murmur. 

Back on campus, everyone is probably getting ready to go out, dressing up. Soon, the hallways of the dorms will be flooded with vampires and ghouls and a variety of slutty somethings. Fake blood and fake bruises and ripped fabrics. 

Philip's had enough of those things to last him a lifetime. He'd rather be here, with his coffee, with his boyfriend, with two people who gave him a home and stability, even when Philip's world was being ripped out from under his feet.

He'd rather have a lifetime of this.

New York will always be home, will be the place where his heart is. But Tivoli, with _Lukas_ , is where he belongs now.


End file.
